| fill your pockets with the dust of the memories. |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| we hope that you choke. |
[08 Apr 2003|03:59pm] |
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this journal is mostly friends-only now. hit me up here & say hello if you want me to add you. chances are, i will.
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| knife fights & frozen custard. |
[30 Mar 2003|12:12am] |
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agna moraine's autobiography / "like a wish" |
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charlie & i fucking shit up on today's especially windy afternoon. cure tapes from half price books + brown skirts from value village + pizza with olives + aerial m covers of misfits songs = fantastic!
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| to the houstonians. |
[16 Mar 2003|12:29am] |
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fugazi / "forensic scene" |
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sunday, march 16th ---
HEADS & BODIES [the ex/the fall-esque goodness from minneapolis. on blood of the young records.]
ZEA [glitchy electropop from amsterdam! damn!]
ALEXIS O'HARA [one ma'am band/spoken word with noise from canada.]
at the southmore house [3107 leeland].
2pm. six dollars.
come with your dancing shoes on. heck yeah.
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[10 Mar 2003|11:17pm] |
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constatine sankathi / "i am an android" |
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girls are fucking people too.
i don't know why this is such a difficult concept to grasp. i really don't.
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| you make a fist to hold your heart. |
[01 Mar 2003|01:15am] |
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candy machine / "the plastic lens" |
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you wait & wait & wait for something to correct itself. and when nothing has happened yet, you feel like pulling at your hair & crying until that one small desired action occurs to remind you that everything is okay. because everything is okay. yes. everything is okay.
i hope.
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| what we don't know can't hurt us yet. |
[23 Feb 2003|06:55am] |
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q and not u / "fever sleeves" |
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my stomach has been in knots lately about my decision to stay in houston. this city has devoured me in every sense of the word, and i'm left harboring my earlier feelings of loathing & resentment toward the town while being in the simultaneous grips of enthusiasm regarding all of the potential starting to creep out of the woodwork.
the sun is rising outside & i'm still awake. it conjures up all sorts of memories about how i used to do this on a regular basis; how it was routine for me to watch the sky grow lighter through the window as i tied myself up in voice & words from a place where the sun had already made its presence an hour earlier.
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| the sea swallowed up the sky. |
[15 Feb 2003|10:32pm] |
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the one a.m. radio / "all i can recall is the haunting" |
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i'm feeling increasingly discouraged from trying to take an active role in many of the things that are most important to me these days. the things that [should] make me feel like i'm doing something positive, that i'm making a difference, that i'm sharing beauty. but instead i'm feeling alienated, like i'm not a welcome part of what i dedicate myself to. it's like i'm this shadow merely obscuring what everyone is really attempting to catch sight of. i'm here for the same reasons as many of them, but i can't be perceived as so. i'm supposedly an equal part of things, but as much as i shout, my voice isn't strong enough to be heard. and as much as it hurts me, i feel like all i can do is keep silent.
birthdays are like heartbreaks & i'm seriously dreading mine tomorrow. eighteen is too far from seventeen & much too far from the years before.
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| standing at the finish line, stranded. |
[12 Feb 2003|03:31pm] |
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les savy fav / "reformat" |
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tonight is the one a.m. radio & the wind up bird, if you're feeling so inclined & live in houston. eight o'clock. mary jane's. come say hello or something because i will more than likely be feeling all kinds of out of place if i end up having to work the door. or something.
in other news. i guess i really am an awful friend.
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| always in life we all must make this mistake. |
[02 Feb 2003|04:39am] |
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matmos / "the precise temperature of darkness" |
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tonight i had anxiety attacks & felt like crying because i couldn't be where i want to be. but i was also overcome with a similar feeling about where i have already been. and how the two are so entwined as much as i would like to tear them apart.
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| words become seeds. |
[24 Jan 2003|01:04pm] |
i'm hiding in the computer lab at george washington here in dc, waiting for dear charisma's class to end so we can go fuck shit up. in the meantime, the joints in my fingers are so stiff from the COLD that i can barely type. fourteen below windchill, good grief.
so far ---
i got interviewed by some fellow from a national christian radio station while i was standing on the sidewalk during the huge pro-life rally on wednesday. i told him i didn't think he knew what he was in for by interviewing me, but he insisted that i talk, so i did. needless to say, i think he realized the mistake of accidentally picking out one of the three or four pro-choice advocates in the general area of the march for an interview. go me.
i went to a seminar on awareness of corporate controlled national media versus alternative media & independent publishing. which essentially resulted in my program instructor & i talking about indepedent media while fifty or so other kids looked at me like i was crazy. completely over their heads? uh. yeah.
i finally got to eat at ben's fucking chili bowl. courtesy of miss charisma. she has officially made my list of top ten kids to hang out with.
this lab is freezing & i'm getting strange looks from people, so i'll elaborate on my week tomorrow after i get back to h-town. yes.
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[12 Jan 2003|12:24am] |
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the velvet underground & nico / "femme fatale" |
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three part proposal ---
one. i'm going to washington dc on sunday & i'll be gone for a week. i have a feeling i'm going to be miserable & lonely and essentially isolated from my roommates and company during the trip. which means reading lots of books & listening to lots of mixtapes to keep my mind off things. most of my mixtapes have received a considerable amount of play in my car recently, and i have a bit of a craving for some new ones to listen to while i'm wandering through airports & the streets of dc. so. um. if anyone is feeling kind enough & has the desire to make me a mixtape before the nineteenth, i will repay you handsomely [in mixtape form] when i return. promise.
two. if any of you dc-area kids are free & want to hang out with me next friday, HOLLER HOLLER!
three. if anyone wants a letter while i'm gone, let me know. i think i'll be writing alot, too.
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| i am a cracked machine. |
[06 Jan 2003|10:27pm] |
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the panoply academy corps of engineers / "nar nar nar" |
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so someone from seventeen magazine wrote to me today, telling me that they really liked my zine and asking me all these questions about myself and my writing. i don't know whether to be amused or horrified, but right now, i'm a little of both.
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[31 Dec 2002|09:48pm] |
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the secret stars / "jumpstart" |
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the show last night turned out amazingly well. i was hella nervous for quite awhile because i was convinced that i had done a disasterous job setting up the show [not to mention the whole "show getting double booked" fiasco]. but i was so excited to see an entire room full of kids and rather pleased that the blue hour walked away with about a hundred dollars in donations alone, in addition to the considerable amount of merch that they were able to sell. they had seemed somewhat skeptical about how the show would be received, but i think they were rather enthused by the end of the night. nice people. i hope they stay in touch, because i'd love to get them here again.
more than anything, i was taken by now much promise there really is in a handful of kids who are so passionate and dedicated to making something beautiful [art, music, what have you]. you really can't fathom that sort of emotion until you're hugging your friends with all of your strength and singing at the top of your lungs. watching die emperor die sell twenty-seven demos that had been hand-assembled by friends was incredible. completely losing my shit during their set and crying on the shoulder of someone that i love was even more incredible.
ps. sorry the cake tasted like shit. but the cookies were decent, maybe?
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| to all the houston, texas area kids --- |
[27 Dec 2002|12:27am] |
last show EVER at the CAC house ---
MONDAY, DECEMBER 30th
the pine [sounds like moss icon]
the blue hour [on electric human project records --- think mogwai]
die, emperor! die [h-town puberty-core heroes!]
burned out bright [ex-wayne arnold/dead mcmanns]
free vegan food! and no alcohol inside the show.
it's the mid-nineties --- IN 2002!
2014 washington
8 PM SHARP. it's a free show, but donations are GREATLY appreciated, as the pine and the blue hour are coming in from out of town pretty much just for this show after having a week's worth of shows cancelled.
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| momentary hesitant dance steps. |
[12 Dec 2002|11:19pm] |
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staircase / "waterfall" |
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i have been neglecting to record impressions & situations here for quite some time, not out of lack of things to say, but rather lack of adequate means of expressing it. i've been memorizing the slightest details, and transferring those sensations into words seems to present an inevitably incomplete translation. regardless, i still pour over the details. jawbreaker songs sung under breath & fingers locked between mine to the tune of die emperor die & nearly getting sick eating peanut butter cake & playing ring around the rosie in front of screamo bands. the list goes on. yes, my heart is full. and things are quite good in that department.
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| someplace cold [but not too cold]. |
[16 Nov 2002|03:37pm] |
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hangedup / "kinetic work" |
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three seconds has the ability to alter the course of your life more than i could have ever really fathomed. how one moment, you can be driving east into town, full of excitement and anticipation about the company you'll be having for the night, and the next moment, you're being thrown forward as your glasses fall off your face and the front end of your car smashes into pieces. totalled. the drivers side door won't open and you're trapped, shaking and in tears in the middle of the freeway. there's shards of glass in front of you on the road. an inch closer, and you would have kissed the windshield.
and the phone rings and it's him. and you can't stop crying. so he comes to visit, bringing all of the kids along. strawberry creme cookies and cuddling with me while i sit on the floor breaking down. it will be okay, he says. we'll be okay. we can run away to montreal.
strange as it may be, beauty can come out of whiplash and broken glass sometimes. i have the heart on my wrist to prove it.
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[12 Nov 2002|08:01pm] |
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gogogo airheart / "when the flesh hits" |
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yesterday. walked into my second period class and started shivering uncontrollably. teeth chattering, vision blurring. blacked out. threw up about five times. had to be carried out of the room because i couldn't stand up on my own. sat trembling in the clinic with a 102 degree fever. went home and cried endlessly because i didn't even have the strength to pick up the phone and call someone.
the events of the past week have been beyond words. sparked by flash floods and violent downpours and turning into something i could have never seen coming.
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| the rain was merely an excuse. |
[05 Nov 2002|11:26pm] |
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palace brothers / "i am a cinematographer" |
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a crisp twenty in my pocket, the trusty grey scarf and navy peacoat, a cassette tape wrapped in layers of scotch tape, rub-on letters, cut-up textbooks and crooked typewriting, and the slight cough that still leaves an ache in my chest.
this is the fall i've been looking forward to.
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| time won't wait for us. |
[27 Oct 2002|01:55am] |
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mazarin / "wheats" |
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one. i finally saw the black heart procession [YEARS i have been waiting]. and when pall brought out the singing saw, my heart went all sorts of pitter patter. oh, swoon.
two. halloween house show with the vidablue and die emperor die + dressing up like a member of devo + the 10:07 gang. excitement is in the air, kids.
three. driving around with stewart, emma, kirke, and brad last night. singing in the car. running off with map books and mittens from value village. pizza buffets. chasing down mall punks and yelling "UP THE CHAOS!". listening to records in my bedroom. the combined outdoor fun of a swimming pool and a trampoline right before midnight. i've never had so much fun fucking shit up in the suburbs.
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